Blog 19

Blog #19: Post a draft introduction and literature review for your research essay.  The more writing you post - the more you will have to work with on Thursday.  This does not need to be perfect.  It can include questions, requests for help, and drafty sentences that you know you will need to re-write.  The point is to get started on this!!!

Introduction & Literature Review for Research Study

INTRODUCTION

In society today, there are many stereotypes between men and women. Women are said to be excessive talkers and rather emotional. Men on the other hand, are said to be more on the quiet side and like to bottle up their emotions. Stereotypes have also been determined that in a relationship, women have more to say than men do about the same topics, stories, feelings, and thoughts that may occur.  The goal of my research is to determine if this is true or if these ideas are indeed stereotypes that we as human beings believe. Studies have proved to find that men talk more than women in all, if not most conversational areas.

     How do women tell stories differently than that of men? How do men and women whom share the same stories, express their emotions? How do hand movements and eye contact play a part in the features of the actual storytelling? In my research below, I will explore how men and women engage in conversations and how women tell stories of love and romance differently than that of men.

LITERATURE REVIEW

In “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation” by Deborah Tannen, she finds that men talk too much and women on the other hand talk less but express themselves more. Tannen elaborates on the fact that men and women do in fact have different ways of speaking and it is important to note how. She states, “Many women and men feel dissatisfied with their close relationships and become even more frustrated when they try to talk things out” (Tannen, pg. 17). This gives an idea how men and women feel when it comes to expressing their emotions when it comes to their significant other.

     How men and women converse is like a language of their own based on gender. Tannen explains, “If women speak and hear a language of connections and intimacy, while men speak and hear a language of status and independence, then communication between men and women can be like cross cultural communication, prey to clash of conversational styles”  (Tannen, pg. 42). Each gender plays a role in how they talk and how their language is interpreted.

     Tannen also believed that men took more pleasure in having strength and being the protector because this attracts women, and therefore the men receive emotional feelings of pleasure and satisfaction of being with their loved one. She mentioned that men and women have different ideas of what they find important and that is why they tell stories and express emotions differently and not the same.

     Women seem to gossip more than men do and in which this is an obligation in a woman’s life.  Tannen tells a story in which a women tells a story of her breakup over and over again, because if she did not mention this to all her close friends they would feel neglected if they found this out from a different individual. The man in this situation decided that it was best not to tell a soul and continue his daily routines as if nothing has changed. The woman in this case had more to say, but that is because women tell stories of romance in more detail than that of men, who may not express themselves as clearly as the women do.

      In my other source, “In a Different Voice” by Carol Gilligan she expresses that women’s relationships are more mysterious than more difficult to describe. She feels that women’s relationships have a lot more to do with that of imagery (Gilligan, pg. 25). Gilligan tends to mention that women are misunderstood and how theories have been built around observations of men in terms of conversation.
     In conclusion, studies have proved that men are the ones who talk more overall, but when it comes to a relationship women are the ones who are more expresses and tend to show more interest in the topic. Men and women have different ways of communication, especially when it comes to intimacy rather than when men are talking to their friends about sports or a meeting at work.

Questions:
** I need help with interpreting Gilligan’s book, it was very confusing to me**

-Looking through my sources I was wondering if i should speak about how boys converse growing up and how girls converse? I have been reading A LOT about how childhood plays a part in the conversations of men and women as they grow into adults. If so, what kind of questions should I ask my subjects?

Blog 18

Blog #18: Post your draft short analysis.  Also send your short analysis project to the course email as an attachment.

Final: Short Analysis Assignment

     ABSTRACT

All writers write in a way that simply works for them. Writing has been opinioned to be an art of it’s own and how one decides to express themselves may vary based on how others perceive their writing and capabilities. Being a student for the past sixteen years I have noticed many different strategies for writing based on how my teacher’s taught writing. Unlike some, I find it useful if a professor comments on my writing whether it is something I take to heart or something I ignore.  I want to look into the complexity of how professors’ comments can lead to how a student revises his or her paper. Some comments may be longer or shorter than others, some may offer questions for further research, some may offer the writer new concepts to develop their work, and others may offer the student critical thinking approaches. All of these features correlate with the complexity of a professor’s comments.

LENGTH OF THE PROFESSORS’ COMMENTS

     Having a longer comment may be at a disadvantage to a student because there is too much information to work with. A shorter comment may be more beneficial because it may be straight to the point and easier to focus with. Although, this may vary from person to person, overall the length of a comment may either help or disadvantage a student when revising their paper. Having the chance to observe these papers have brought up many questions and thoughts in terms of how professors’ comments affect the wellbeing of a student.
      I looked at all six samples written by students in the English department and picked out ten examples from those six samples that grabbed my interest in finding a result—Does the complexity of a professor’s comment effect a writer for revisions of their paper? I noticed that length plays a huge factor in how a writer interprets a comment. For example, in sample one the comment is as follows, “These points are clear. I wonder, though, I this might be a place to play off students’ definitions of argument. How do these contradict or enrich their expectations of what an argument should be?” The comment is at a perfect length, because it offers a positive beginning and ends with what the writer can work on—nothing more and nothing less. Therefore, this comment is at a good length where the student can address what the professor is identifying.

     In sample three, “How did Robyn learn the ropes? By trial and error—or did she have a mentor? How do you get to know people? Is it okay to just introduce yourself—or do you need to meet people through someone else?”  The comment in this situation is long, where in this case a long comment may be too much for the writer to focus on at once. This may be ineffective for a writer who is editing their work.
     Although, the previous comment was long and offered too much feedback sample five offered a comment that did not give the writer much to analyze. “Too much repetition here, cut to your point.” This comment may be helpful, it is short and tells the writer exactly what they should work on when revising their paper. Therefore, this comment is short, and although, it does not provide the student with much feedback the writer is aware of what they must work on.

QUESTIONS BEING ASK BY THE PROFESSOR

     Good feedback may be determined by asking the writer questions--questions for the writer to expand on.  Throughout my observations, I looked to see if the questions within the comments made a point or were too broad which made it difficult for the writer to focus on when revising a particular area.

     In my findings, I determined that sample four’s questions were too broad. “This bit feels out of place. I wonder if it might work better earlier in the paragraph/section?” Although, this is not in the form of a question this comment tells the writer to move a part of their writing elsewhere. The questions that may be determined may be: Where? Which paragraph? After which sentence? There are too many questions that a writer may have because the professor did not clarify where their information should be placed.

     Having too many questions may be puzzling, but not having feedback that offers suggestions may be even more puzzling. For example, sample five circles the words “go through” and puts a question mark above. This does not offer the writer any suggestions that help with expanding their thoughts. More questions may be asked: Why? What did I do wrong? How can I change what I wrote? There is not enough information in terms of why the writer needs a change to their choice of words.

     Providing a student with too many questions within one comment may distract the writer and cause difficulties with editing their work. In sample two, just that is being addressed. “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?” There are just too many questions within the one comment that may be too much for the writer to comprehend at once. The professor should have summed up what the writer needs to work on in one or two sentences. The writer’s thoughts may be going in multiple directions, rather than in just the one area they need to focus on.

NEW CONCEPTS GIVEN BY THE PROFESSOR

     When a professor presents feedback on a students’ paper they should be sure to offer the students with ways to expand their paper. The professor should offer the student an idea that can help to strengthen their work. The feedback should contain at least one new concept that the student can use. In other words, is the concept good or does the concept too hard to interpret?

     In sample six, I observed that the writer used new concepts to expand their work. For example, “Christine, your essay is meaningful and nicely organized. Your analysis of both words supports your thesis very well. Keep up the good work!” The professor states that the writer tied the analysis of their readings very well with their thesis. Therefore, they used new concepts to expand their thesis to interlock with the topic of the writer’s paper. This positive feedback is pure encouragement for the writer because the writer can interpret that they exceled in terms of completing their assignment.

     On the other hand, some feedback does not necessarily offer the writer with the chance to develop new concepts. For example, sample four is as follows, “This bit seems out of place. It may work better earlier.” The professor does not offer any new concepts for the writer to work with. There is simply not enough information for the writer to work with. In this case there are only statements, but no suggestions for the writer to expand on. This may be a useless comment because it does not offer the writer anything what so ever.

CRITICAL THINKING APPROACHES OF OPINONS

      Critical thinking allows the writer to go above and beyond by offering his or her own opinion. By allowing for the student to discuss their opinion the students can relate to their topic better, which leads to a better paper.
     In sample two, the feedback offers the writer the opportunity to express him or herself by using an approach to critical thinking. For example, “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?”  This feedback offers the writer the ability to state their opinion. The writer is being offered the chance to expand their work by offering their own view in terms of whether or not bullet points are necessary or not in their writing process.

     Sample three does not allow the writer to apply critical thinking approaches to their work. For example, “Work on your introduction. This is too general. What defines the identity toolkit for beauty writers? What purpose, networks for communication, lexis, values/assumptions, lexis, style etc. defines a person as freelance beauty writer? Hit the general overview of feature in Gee and Swales.” The feedback in this cases is descriptive, but the questions allow for more an actual answer rather than for the writer to use their own opinion in their writing. The professor wants the student to discuss what the author’s Gee and Swales used within their work. Critical thinking is important in expression yourself within a paper.

     Lastly, sample six does not allow the writer to use critical thinking as well, “Organize your example to follow in the order they appear in your essay.” This feedback as well simply is just a comment and does nothing more or nothing less for the writer. It may have been beneficial to the writer if the professor told the writer to expand more on their examples to relate to the particular spot in which they placed their examples the first time. The more chances the professor allows for critical thinking the better the writer will be.

RANKING

Comment:	Length       1-    Long comment       2-    Short comment	Questions Offered	New Concepts	Critical Thinking Approaches
1. Sample 1: #5: “These points are clear. I wonder, though, I this might be a place to play off students’ definitions of argument. How do these contradict or enrich their expectations of what an argument should be?”	3 sentences (1 question) lengthà2 perfect length	It makes a point. One sentence is just enough for the writer to edit their work.	Good feedback—the writer knows what they need to expand on.	Allows for critical thinking. Allows the writer to state what they think.
2. Sample 2: #3: “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?”	6 sentences (5 questions) lengthà1 offers too much	Too broad—should be summed up one clear sentence.	The feedback is there but there is too much that is being asked to the author. The concepts are good but may be too much to comprehend at once.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, the comments ask for an answer rather than an opinion.
3. Sample 3: #1: Work on your introduction. This is too general. What defines the identity toolkit for beauty writers? What purpose, networks for communication, lexis, values/assumptions, lexis, style etc. defines a person as freelance beauty writer? Hit the general overview of feature in Gee and Swales.”	6 sentences (2 questions) lengthà2 Just enough	Gives the students a lot of questions to work with. But, too many.	There is a lot of feedback but the information is too much to handle at once.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, the comments ask for an answer rather than an opinion.
4. Sample 3: #7: “How did Robyn learn the ropes? By trial and error—or did she have a mentor? How do you get to know people? Is it okay to just introduce yourself—or do you need to meet people through someone else?”	4 sentences (4 questions) lengthà 1 too much being asked- too long.	Too broad—should be summed up in a sentence or two.	There are too many questions being asked. Although, the writer may find that this feedback can lead to new concepts.	Allows for critical thinking. Asks the writer to state facts, but also acts for opinions that may expand on their statements.
5. Sample 4: #4: “This bit feels out of place. I wonder if it might work better earlier in the paragraph/section?”	2 sentences (1 question) lengthà2 just enough.	Too broad—should let the writer know where it would work best.	Does not offer feedback in terms of where the information should be placed. Does not offer any new concepts to be developed. Does not offer the writer with the ability to add new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, it offers the writer feedback of where to put previous information.
6. Sample 4: #9: “This bit seems out of place. It may work better earlier.”	2 sentences lengthà2	Too broad—where should the writer place it?	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking.  Instead, it offers the writer feedback of where to put previous information.
7. Sample 5: “Too much repetition here, cut to your point.”	1 sentence lengthà2	Makes a point but does not help the writer. The information does not suggest anything for the writer.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	This may or may not allow for critical thinking. By telling the writer to “cut to your point” it allows the writer to be more opinionated within their work.
8. Sample 5: Circles “goes through” and puts a “?” above the words.	1 symbol lengthà 2 Although, it is short it is does not offer enough—it has no words.	Makes a point but with no feedback why a “?” was added.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. It is simply just a comment and that is all.
9. Sample 6: “Organize your                 examples to follow in the order          they appear in your essay.”	1 sentence lengthà 2 Right to the point	Too broad—should mention where the information should be placed.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. It is simply just a comment and that is all.
10. Sample 6: “Christine, your essay is meaningful and nicely organized. Your analysis of both works supports your thesis very well. Keep up the good work!”	3 sentences lengthà2 gives exactly  what is needed.	This gives the writer what they need. They know that they exceled in terms of writing their thesis and comparing both works.	Allows the writer to see that they developed what was needed.	Assuming this allowed for critical thinking in terms of positive feedback of the writer’s thesis.

CONCLUSION

     Through many observations and much planning, I have come to many conclusions. I believe that the complexity of a comment in terms of length, questions, concepts and critical thinking effects how a writer revises their paper. I’ve concluded that long comments are not always better because that leaves the writer with too much information to focus upon. I found that questions being posed by the professor help the writer to expand their writing better than not receiving any questions at all. In terms of offering new concepts, I concluded that at least one concept benefits the writer, whereas no concepts is difficult for the writer in terms of comprehension. I noticed that providing a writer with critical thinking helps the student to give their own opinion in their paper, which therefore leads to a better paper because a writer can state what is on their mind amongst the topic. Overall, in my opinion, the comments within students’ papers correlate with the complexity feature involved within. Length, questions, concepts and critical thinking are all involved in how a student may revise their paper based on the comments they are given.