Blog 26

Blog# 26: will be your final research project, and it will be due on the last day of class.  

INTRODUCTION

     In society today, there are many stereotypes between men and women. Women are said to be excessive talkers and rather emotional. Men on the other hand, are said to be more on the quiet side and like to bottle up their emotions. Stereotypes have also been determined that in a relationship, women have more to say than men do about the same topics, stories, feelings, and thoughts that may occur.  The goal of my research is to determine if this is true or if these ideas are indeed stereotypes that we as human beings believe. Studies have proved to find that men talk more than women in all, if not most conversational areas.

     How do women tell stories differently than that of men? How do men and women whom share the same stories, express their emotions? How do hand movements and eye contact play a part in the features of the actual storytelling? In my research below, I will explore how men and women engage in conversations and how women tell stories of love and romance differently than that of men.

     The purpose of my research is to identify which gender tells more stories related to romance—men or women? It seems as if society stereotypes women to talk more than men especially when it comes to themselves and romance related issues. I will show how men and women tell stories of love and romance different than that of men. Is there so much pressure on females to talk less in public that they hid their feelings and emotions?

LITERATURE REVIEW

     In “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation” by Deborah Tannen, she finds that men talk too much and women on the other hand talk less but express themselves more. Tannen elaborates on the fact that men and women do in fact have different ways of speaking and it is important to note how. She states, “Many women and men feel dissatisfied with their close relationships and become even more frustrated when they try to talk things out” (Tannen, pg. 17). This gives an idea how men and women feel when it comes to expressing their emotions when it comes to their significant other.

     How men and women converse is like a language of their own based on gender. Tannen explains, “If women speak and hear a language of connections and intimacy, while men speak and hear a language of status and independence, then communication between men and women can be like cross cultural communication, prey to clash of conversational styles”  (Tannen, pg. 42). Men are seen as protectors to females; therefore they are independent and must have a high standing status to be superior to females. Each gender plays a role in how they talk and how others interpret their language.  

     Tannen also believed that men took more pleasure in having strength and being the protector because this attracts women, and therefore the men receive emotional feelings of pleasure and satisfaction of being with their loved one. She mentioned that men and women have different ideas of what they find important and that is why they tell stories and express emotions differently and not the same.

     Women seem to gossip more than men do and in which this is an obligation in a woman’s life.  Tannen tells a story in which a women tells a story of her breakup over and over again, because if she did not mention this to all her close friends they would feel neglected if they found this out from a different individual. The man in this situation decided that it was best not to tell a soul and continue his daily routines as if nothing has changed. The woman in this case had more to say, but that is because women tell stories of romance in more detail than that of men, who may not express themselves as clearly as the women do.

      In my other source, “In a Different Voice” by Carol Gilligan she expresses that women’s relationships are more mysterious than more difficult to describe. She feels that women’s relationships have a lot more to do with that of imagery (Gilligan, pg. 25). Gilligan tends to mention that women are misunderstood and how theories have been built around observations of men in terms of conversation.

      In conclusion, studies have proved that men are the ones who talk more overall, but when it comes to a relationship women are the ones who are more expresses and tend to show more interest in the topic. Men and women have different ways of communicating, especially when it comes to intimacy rather than when men are talking to their friends about sports or a meeting at work. Communication not only takes place verbally, but it may take place physically through hand gestures as well. Men may brag more about having intimate relationships with females, but they may not feel comfortable speaking about their intimate experience with their partner. Females may not speak about sports or work as much as males may do because their interest may lack from one another.

     In my research, I hope to show the differences of how females and males speak about romance and love differently than that of how society represents each gender to be. Do men and women have their own identities or does society determine how men and women must be viewed?

METHODS

     In order to determine how men and women tell stories, I needed to get crucial information from my subjects regarding how they tell stories about romance. I assumed that an interview would be best to conduct my research simply for the fact of storytelling between males and females. The first interview was constructed with my female subject, a fifty-year-old woman. For my second interview, I approached my male subject, a fifty-three-year-old man. Both my male and female subject have been married for thirty-two years. The interview with my female subject lasted for about an hour, whereas the interview with my male subject lasted only about twenty minutes. Both subjects were given the same opportunities to answer identical questions. I was interested to see the answers that each of my subjects were going to give me. The interviews were both conducted on a face-to-face basis in my family’s house. I felt that being in a place that felt comfortable to all of us, would be the best environment for conducting an interview related to romance.

     I used various materials when constructing my interviews. I used a voice recorder as well as the memo application on my cellular device. I then transcribed my interviews using my laptop, carefully making sure not to leave out any fundamental information. As I was asking my subjects essential questions, I made sure to record their facial expressions, hand gestures, and pauses in their answers to back up my observations.
      I was particularly interested in the facial expressions, gestures and eye contact between my subjects and myself. I feel as if my interview with my female subject had a better flow to it because I got a lot of good answers and they were very descriptive, whereas, the interview with my male subject was more of a direct interview with no story telling involved. The interviews were nothing that I had pictured them to be. My female subject gave me a lot more information then I thought she would--she gave me more useful material than I imagined. My male subject gave me less information then I was expecting. He simply answered the majority of the questions with yes or no answers and barely said anything more than that. I feel as if he felt as if he was in an awkward position or he gave the answers he did because he was put in a position to answer questions on a topic in which he had no interest—romance and marriage.

     I analyzed my data by reading my transcript over and over. I looked to see how my questions and the answers that I received from my subjects were similar as well as different. I coded my main categories than sub categories in terms of the length of a how a story was told and material that was given within each story.
   

PRESENTATION AND ANALYSIS (?) OF DATA

     I was mostly concerned with how my male and female subjects told me stories about their relationships. I also wanted to relate the story telling to the facial expressions and gestures expressed to me by my subjects during particular stories. Overall, I wanted to see if how my female and male subjects followed a stereotype or if stereotypes in society are misjudged.

My female subject gave me more detailed answers than that of my male subject who gave me answers that only consisted of a word or a sentence. What was surprising was my male subject’s answer to how they met. When I asked him this question he gave me an answer that was different from the conversation that was brought up at dinner on Thanksgiving. At dinner, he gave a more complex answer and seemed interested in the conversation with some of his family members and myself. When I asked him this question face to face it seemed to vary.

S:  Can you tell me a particular story about meeting for the first time?        

M:  At this party the girls were going to cook for the boys.  I made macaroni
      salad, being 14 years old mind you, never made this before.  Of course my
     mother helped me make it.  I heard someone at the party asking who made the      
    macaroni salad and then heard before I could even reply saying it was
    dry.  Well, annoyed and not even know who this person was, or why they were
    at this party.  I yelled if you don’t like it don’t eat it.  Not a great first
    impression was it?

S:  And how did that make you feel?

M:  Made me feel great to yell.  Like really how dear you complain you mean person…(laughing)

On the other hand, when I asked my male subject how he met my female subject I was given a less detailed response, than I figured I would receive considering the same story was told only a few weeks prior to the interview.
              Male subject:

         S:  Can you tell me a particular story about meeting for the first time?

        A: I went to a party with my twin brothers that I was not really invited to. 
             I didn’t really know anyone and I made a comment about a salad and
            the girl that made it heard me and got a little bent over it.  (Red faced)

     I noticed that my female’s story consisted of a paragraph, whereas, my male’s story consisted of only two sentences. My female subject used emotions in her story saying that she was annoyed. My male used no emotion to describe how he felt when meeting for the first time. He knew that my female subject was annoyed, but he didn’t use any emotions describing how he felt about the situation during this time. My female subject told me a story, which contained a beginning, middle and ending. My male subject on the other hand, just simply answered my question, which contained no story structure.

     I thought that by asking my subjects to tell me about how they felt on their wedding day, that I would get more information relating to their emotions.

Female subject:

S:  What kind of emotions did you have on your wedding day?

A: Wow…nice…excited.

Male subject:

S:  How did you feel on your wedding day?

M:  I was nervous, who wouldn’t be?  It’s a big life changer.

     My female subject used emotion to answer the question followed by a reason why, but my male subject did not really associate this question with an explanation related to his motion. Maybe this proves that when men are asked to share their emotions, they refrain from doing so.
     Anther theme I noticed was how my subjects’ facial expressions, hand gestures, and pauses in their stories effect how the seriousness of a story. Most of the observations from this category can be visually seen, although my transcript helps to decode this information.  When I asked my subjects questions that I knew would contain particular hand gestures or facial expressions, I made sure to pay close attention to this aspect of our interview. I noticed that my male subject did not provide me with any gestures or facial expressions; he was more monotone throughout the entire process. My female subject used a lot of hand gestures and facial expression to describe stories that were sentimental to her.

     I found it very fascinating how opposite my subjects’ answers were when it came to

first impressions.

                   Female subject

             S:  And what were your first impressions upon meeting him?

M:  My first impressions were ewwwwwww not for me!  (eyebrow raise)

                 Male subject

            S:  What were your first impressions?

            A:  Woooooow. (with enthusiasm and wide eyes)
  

     Both of my subjects gave different responses, but in doing so they gave gestures and facial expressions describing how they felt about the question being asked to them. I feel that the facial expressions mean a lot in terms of providing an answer of its own. Men and women are stereotyped based on what they say, but they are not so much stereotyped on their facial expressions and gestures when it comes to story telling.

CONCLUSION

     My research question focuses on how women tell stories related to romance differently than that of men. I found that women talk more about their emotions followed by a description why they felt a certain way. Men on the other hand, tell a story related to their emotions, but do not really give an explanation explaining why they felt that way. 

     Deborah Tannen mentioned that men talk too much and women talk less but express themselves more. In this case, I beg to differ. From my research, I noticed that my female subject talked more and gave more expressions than that of my male subject.
             Tannen, finds that men talk too much and women on the other hand talk less but express themselves more. I mentioned early about how previous studies proved that men are the ones who talk more overall, but when it comes to relationships women are the ones who are more expressive and tend to show more interest in the topic. Men have a sense of being strong and emotionless especially when it comes to relationships and romance.

     My study is important because it verifies how men and women communicate when faced with a topic that may or many not interest them. My male subject would have rather talked about sports and country music, based on the person he is. My female subject enjoys talking about her marriage and would prefer that to speaking about sports or music. I also feel that many people do not look beyond the stereotypes of men and women or actually find an explanation to judge the way they do. My study shows that women do talk more especially when being asked about their emotions and their relationships.  

     I feel that there is so much more that could have been done with my research. I would have liked to interview newlyweds to see if their answers were different in terms of emotion. I would have also liked to asked my subjects to provide a story about their interests to see if my male subject would have elaborated on something that he enjoys, rather than making him answer questions about a topic he has no interest it.

     In conclusion, men talk less than men when asked question related to marriage and romance. Females are more passionate in terms of explaining how they feel about a particular event. Men on the other hand, do not speak about their emotions through words, but more through facial expressions and genders. I feel that this is due to the high status of being independent and being the protector for females—this is a stereotype that in my research is proven to be true. Females love to talk about how they feel and men, clearly do not like to speak about how they feel whether it be out themselves or their partner. This brings a whole new meaning to stereotypes and how men and women tell stories.