Blog 17

Blog #17: : Revised Draft Short Analysis project.

Short Analysis Assignment

     INTRODUCTION

All writers write in a way that simply works for them. Writing has been opinioned to be an art of it’s own and how one decides to express themselves may vary based on how others perceive their writing and capabilities. Being a student for the past sixteen years I have noticed many different strategies for writing based on how my teacher’s taught writing. Unlike some, I find it useful if a professor comments on my writing whether it is something I take to heart or something I ignore.  I want to look into the complexity of how professors’ comments encourage or discourage a writer. Some comments may be longer or shorter than others, some may offer questions for further research, some may offer the writer new concepts to develop their work, and others may offer the student critical thinking approaches. All of these features may either encourage or discourage a writer in terms of their abilities and interest.

LENGTH

     Having the chance to observe these papers have brought up many questions and thoughts in terms of how professors’ comments affect the wellbeing of a student. I looked at all six samples written by students in the English department and picked out ten examples from those six samples that grabbed my interest in finding a result—Does the complexity of professors’ comment effect a writer? I noticed that length plays a huge factor in how a writer interprets a comment. For example, in sample one the comment is as follows, “These points are clear. I wonder, though, I this might be a place to play off students’ definitions of argument. How do these contradict or enrich their expectations of what an argument should be?” The comment is at a perfect length, because it offers a positive beginning and ends with what the writer can work on—nothing more and nothing less.

In sample three, “How did Robyn learn the ropes? By trial and error—or did she have a mentor? How do you get to know people? Is it okay to just introduce yourself—or do you need to meet people through someone else?”  The comment in this situation is long, where in this case a long comment may be too much for the writer to focus on at once. This may be ineffective for a writer who is editing their work.

Although, the previous comment was long and offered too much feedback sample five offers a comment that is not offer enough feedback for the writer to work with. “Too much repetition here, cut to your point.” This comment may be helpful, but it is too short and does not clarify how the writer should go about in cutting to their point. Examples in this case would be helpful which can benefit the writer.

QUESTIONS OFFERED

Good feedback may be determined by asking the writer questions---questions for the writer to expand on.  In my observations I looked to see if the questions within the comments made a point or were too broad which made it difficult for the writer to focus on revising a particular area.

In my findings, I determined that sample four’s questions were too broad. “This bit feels out of place. I wonder if it might work better earlier in the paragraph/section?” Although, this is not in the form of a question this comment tells the writer to move a part of their writing elsewhere. The questions that may be determined may be: Where? Which paragraph? After which sentence? There are too many questions that a writer may have because the professor did not clarify where their information should be placed.

Having too many questions may be puzzling, but not having feedback that offers suggestions may be even more puzzling. For example, sample five circles the words “go through” and puts a question mark above. This does not offer the writer any suggestions that help with expanding their thoughts. More questions may be asked: Why? What did I do wrong? How can I change what I wrote? There is not enough information in terms of why the writer needs a change to their choice of words.

Providing a student with too many questions within one comment may distract the writer and cause difficulties with editing their work. In sample two, just that is being addressed. “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?” There are just too many questions within the one comment that may be too much for the writer to comprehend at once. The professor should have summed up what the writer needs to work on in one or two sentences. The writer’s thoughts may be going in multiple directions, rather than in just the one area they need to focus on.

NEW CONCEPTS

When a professor presents feedback on a students’ paper they should be sure to offer the students with ways to expand their paper. The professor should offer the student an idea that can help to strengthen their work. The feedback should contain at least one new concept that the student can use. In other words, is the concept good or does the concept too hard to interpret?

In sample six, I observed that the writer used new concepts to expand their work. For example, “Christine, your essay is meaningful and nicely organized. Your analysis of both words supports your thesis very well. Keep up the good work!” The professor states that the writer tied the analysis of their readings very well with their thesis. Therefore, they used new concepts to expand their thesis to interlock with the topic of the writer’s paper. This positive feedback is pure encouragement for the writer because the writer can interpret that they exceled in terms of completing their assignment.

On the other hand, some feedback does not necessarily offer the writer with the chance to develop new concepts. For example, sample four is as follows, “This bit seems out of place. It may work better earlier.” The professor does not offer any new concepts for the writer to work with. There is simply not enough information for the writer to work with. In this case there are only statements, but no suggestions for the writer to expand on. This may be a useless comment because it does not offer the writer anything what so ever.

CRITICAL THINKING APPROACHES

 Critical thinking allows the writer to go above and beyond by offering his or her own opinion. By allowing for the student to discuss their opinion the students can relate to their topic better, which leads to a better paper.

In sample two, the feedback offers the writer the opportunity to express him or herself by using an approach to critical thinking. For example, “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?”  This feedback offers the writer the ability to state their opinion. The writer is being offered the chance to expand their work by offering their own view in terms of whether or not bullet points are necessary or not in their writing process.

Sample three does not allow the writer to apply critical thinking approaches to their work. For example, “Work on your introduction. This is too general. What defines the identity toolkit for beauty writers? What purpose, networks for communication, lexis, values/assumptions, lexis, style etc. defines a person as freelance beauty writer? Hit the general overview of feature in Gee and Swales.” The feedback in this cases is descriptive, but the questions allow for more an actual answer rather than for the writer to use their own opinion in their writing. The professor wants the student to discuss what the author’s Gee and Swales used within their work. Critical thinking is important in expression yourself within a paper.

Lastly, sample six does not allow the writer to use critical thinking as well, “Organize your example to follow in the order they appear in your essay.” This feedback as well simply is just a comment and does nothing more or nothing less for the writer. It may have been beneficial to the writer if the professor told the writer to expand more on their examples to relate to the particular spot in which they placed their examples the first time. The more chances the professor allows for critical thinking the better the writer will be.

STUDY:

Comment:	Length 1-    Too short 2-    Perfect 3-    Too long	Questions Offered	New Concepts	Critical Thinking Approaches
1. Sample 1: #5: “These points are clear. I wonder, though, I this might be a place to play off students’ definitions of argument. How do these contradict or enrich their expectations of what an argument should be?”	3 sentences lengthà2 perfect length	It makes a point. One sentence is just enough for the writer to edit their work.	Good feedback—the writer knows what they need to expand on.	Allows for critical thinking. Allows the writer to state what they think.
2. Sample 2: #3: “Good observation! What do you notice about what ends up in your bullet points? Ideas? The language you want? Metaphors? Do you do the whole essay in bullet points before you start?”	6 sentences lengthà3 offers too much	Too broad—should be summed up one clear sentence.	The feedback is there but there is too much that is being asked to the author. The concepts are good but may be too much to comprehend at once.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, the comments ask for an answer rather than an opinion.
3. Sample 3: #1: Work on your introduction. This is too general. What defines the identity toolkit for beauty writers? What purpose, networks for communication, lexis, values/assumptions, lexis, style etc. defines a person as freelance beauty writer? Hit the general overview of feature in Gee and Swales.”	6 sentences lengthàmedium just enough	Gives the students a lot of questions to work with. But, too many.	There is a lot of feedback but the information is too much to handle at once.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, the comments ask for an answer rather than an opinion.
4. Sample 3: #7: “How did Robyn learn the ropes? By trial and error—or did she have a mentor? How do you get to know people? Is it okay to just introduce yourself—or do you need to meet people through someone else?”	4 sentences lengthà 3 long too much being asked	Too broad—should be summed up in a sentence or two.	There are too many questions being asked. Although, the writer may find that this feedback can lead to new concepts.	Allows for critical thinking. Asks the writer to state facts, but also acts for opinions that may expand on their statements.
5. Sample 4: #4: “This bit feels out of place. I wonder if it might work better earlier in the paragraph/section?”	2 sentences lengthà1 does not offer enough	Too broad—should let the writer know where it would work best.	Does not offer feedback in terms of where the information should be placed. Does not offer any new concepts to be developed. Does not offer the writer with the ability to add new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. Instead, it offers the writer feedback of where to put previous information.
6. Sample 4: #9: “This bit seems out of place. It may work better earlier.”	2 sentences lengthà1 Does not offer enough	Too broad—where should the writer place it?	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking.  Instead, it offers the writer feedback of where to put previous information.
7. Sample 5: “Too much repetition here, cut to your point.”	1 sentence lengthà1 does not offer enough.	Makes a point but does not help the writer. The information does not suggest anything for the writer.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	This may or may not allow for critical thinking. By telling the writer to “cut to your point” it allows the writer to be more opinionated within their work.
8. Sample 5: Circles “goes through” and puts a “?” above the words.	1 symbol lengthà 1 does not offer enough—or any words for that matter	Makes a point but with no feedback why a “?” was added.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. It is simply just a comment and that is all.
9. Sample 6: “Organize your                 examples to follow in the order          they appear in your essay.”	1 sentence lengthà 1 does not offer enough.	Too broad—should mention where the information should be placed.	Not enough information. Does not offer the writer the chance for new concepts.	Does not allow for critical thinking. It is simply just a comment and that is all.
10. Sample 6: “Christine, your essay is meaningful and nicely organized. Your analysis of both works supports your thesis very well. Keep up the good work!”	3 sentences lengthà2 gives exactly  what is needed.	This gives the writer what they need. They know that they exceled in terms of writing their thesis and comparing both works.	Allows the writer to see that they developed what was needed.	Assuming this allowed for critical thinking in terms of positive feedback of the writer’s thesis.

CONCLUSION

Through many observations and much planning, I have come to many conclusions. I believe that the complexity of a comment in terms of length, questions, concepts and critical thinking effects how a writer revises their paper. I’ve concluded that long comments are not always better because that leaves the writer with too much information to focus upon. I found that questions being posed by the professor help the writer to expand their writing better than not receiving any questions at all. In terms of critical offering new concepts, I concluded that at least one concept benefits the writer, whereas no concepts is difficult for the writer in terms of comprehension. I noticed that providing a writer with critical thinking helps the student to give their own opinion in their paper, which therefore leads to a better paper because a writer can state what is on their mind amongst the topic. Overall, I feel that the feature within the comments itself determine the encouragement or discouragement that writer receives from their professor.